Tuesday, February 07, 2006

How I Lost 12 Pounds in Four Days

How? I hear you cry.
I caught the flu, that's how!

Now, I've really got an idea. Since I'm off work at the moment and my future in the Factory looks bleak (See previous post on Automotive Components Factory Sale!) maybe I should go into the diet business. It's big, and heck, after what I just discovered, it's not that hard to create a diet that works!

That's right!

Mordekai's Deathly Illness Weight Loss Program:

Here's all you have to do: Breathe the air from this baggie. At the height of my illness, in between bouts of delirium, I coughed into baggies, each time capturing the Weight Loss Virus. Now, for the low, low price of $10 per baggie, you can use this amazing virus to lose from 8 to 16 pounds, depending on the strength of your immune system. For me, it was a four day trial, after which, I had lost 12 pounds. (Some of this is due to the extraordinary nature of the Weight Loss Virus: I got the usual fever, cough, runny nose, sinus pressure, feeliing lousy, but also, the two exits and no waiting as a added bonus weight loss!)

So with my program, you'll feel tired, achey, miserable, etc...but really no different than you'd feel if you went to the gym or just got out and exercised. This way, you lose the weight, but don't actually have to do any work. That's what we all want isn't it? Lose our weight, suffer for a short time, for long term gain!

Send me your $10 and I'll send you a baggie full of virii!


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